I have been working on a project for a while - a book. It is almost finished - every day. Every day I find something else to do rather than finish it. I observe myself doing this but hadn't taken the time to stop and figure out why until now.
I seek to indentify the blocks inside me if it ever is to be finished. Sitting at my computer I write, "I want to finish this project by the end of this week so that it can be a big help to those who buy it." I reread the sentence looking for the word or phrase that just doesn't feel right. Yes, I do want to finish it, that's not it. Yes, the end of the week is good, that's not it either. Then "big help" stood out.
Lies and fears we believe about ourselves, our abilities and our capacity to impact our world keep us imprisoned. My prison was fear that what I was writing would not help, not make an impact, or be of any value. I was afraid that I would be shown to be without talent, unable to make a difference in people's lives and be embarassed in front of my peers. I was imprisoned by these fears but as long as I didn't finish the book, none of this could come true.
As I took my fears to the Lord, He reminded me of how He has used my writing in the past. He showed me that as I released my words, He used them as He wanted, in those He wanted, for the purposes He wanted. He reminded me that all my life He has placed people alongside me to encourage me to write, that have told me that my words had impacted them profoundly and that had flat out said that I write very well and should do more of it. This is how He has designed me, I don't need to be afraid, I just need to get my perspective about glorifying Him rather than fearing disapproval from others.
As I processed the fears about the book, or more correctly, the fears about myself, I was able to identify them and replace them with His truth. Now, I rewrote the statement into one that "felt" true and didn't have any words that caused me to stumble. Here it is rewritten:
"I will finish this book by the end of the week and put it on the web site. It does not need to be THE definitive work ad I will trust the Lord to do with it what He will. I will serve Him from who I am."
Now, finishing the book is no longer about my abilities, approval, or need for others to see it as good; it is about serving my God and releasing the outcome to Him. Oh yeah, and being this vulnerable in front of you brought up a few more fears but the truth is that we all have them and if I admit mine then maybe you will too and we can all break out of these self-imposed prisons.
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