In just a bit, my youngest will show up with a U-Haul truck and some friends to load up all her earthly possessions and move to California. The three of them together don't have a lot, so I imagine they will still have room in the truck. Their dreams and hopes will fill the remaining space - and then some.
So, that means for me my nest will be emptied.
I had often heard women say that their grown children were in diapers just moments ago and that the time passes so very quickly. I get that now. My life has been filled with kids and diapers and school and driving and teenage drama. The days held laughter and some tears, new adventures and mudane tasks and always with seeing the world anew through their eyes. Twenty-four seven I have been raising kids for a very long time. Being a mom has been the joy of my life even in the bad times and now the day to day of it is ending.
Tomorrow I will awaken to a new chapter in my life. It started with my husband and me and we will be back to that again; in the middle was the time of these other people in the house. It is as if I had a dream that is now ending and I think, "well, that was weird." They were here and now they are gone. Loving them every day in my home has been a staple of my life and now I will love them over the phone and on occasional visits. Horrible music blasted from my daughter's room and now the silence will be deafening. No more lights left on; no more irritating one another; no more hugs in the hallway.
I didn't know this would hurt so much. Don't get me wrong, I am excited for her and her new life. I am excited for me and this new stage of my life as well, but right now, at this moment, this is tough. This is not about wanting her to stay but about the ending of an era for me. Before I start the next I need to feel the weight of the one that is passing. I need to review what God has done in and through me. It is like the last page of a chapter that has so impacted you that you cannot turn the page just yet. You think only, "Wow!" and you need a little time to just sit with it, settle in, breathe deeply, find peace in the Lord before you can turn the page and see what comes next. And I will.
Dreams and hopes will fill the next chapter - and then some.
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