Downright Daring Life

Turning the Page

In just a bit, my youngest will show up with a U-Haul truck and some friends to load up all her earthly possessions and move to California.  The three of them together don't have a lot, so I imagine they will still have room in the truck.  Their dreams and hopes will fill the remaining space - and then some.

So, that means for me my nest will be emptied. 

I had often heard women say that their grown children were in diapers just moments ago and that the time passes so very quickly. I get that now.  My life has been filled with kids and diapers and school and driving and teenage drama.  The days held laughter and some tears, new adventures and mudane tasks and always with seeing the world anew through their eyes.  Twenty-four seven I have been raising kids for a very long time.  Being a mom has been the joy of my life even in the bad times and now the day to day of it is ending.

Tomorrow I will awaken to a new chapter in my life.  It started with my husband and me and we will be back to that again; in the middle was the time of these other people in the house.  It is as if I had a dream that is now ending and I think, "well, that was weird."  They were here and now they are gone.  Loving them every day in my home has been a staple of my life and now I will love them over the phone and on occasional visits.  Horrible music blasted from my daughter's room and now the silence will be deafening.  No more lights left on; no more irritating one another; no more hugs in the hallway. 

I didn't know this would hurt so much.  Don't get me wrong, I am excited for her and her new life.  I am excited for me and this new stage of my life as well, but right now, at this moment, this is tough.  This is not about wanting her to stay but about the ending of an era for me.  Before I start the next I need to feel the weight of the one that is passing.  I need to review what God has done in and through me.  It is like the last page of a chapter that has so impacted you that you cannot turn the page just yet.  You think only, "Wow!" and you need a little time to just sit with it, settle in, breathe deeply, find peace in the Lord before you can turn the page and see what comes next.  And I will. 

Dreams and hopes will fill the next chapter - and then some.

Waiting for the death call

Sometime today my son will call and say "goodbye" in case he does not come back.  It will be the 7th time he has made this "death call" as he names it.  Each time we talk a bit, we say that we love one another and I tell him that I am proud of him.  He always says, "Mom, I will be coming home, I just don't know which home it will be."  Tomorrow he leaves for another tour of duty.

After each of these calls I go to my room to be with the Lord.  I say that I trust God with my son's, His son's life.  I say that He is good no matter what happens in life and that He brings good from all situations.  This is when I come away with Him to see if what I say with my mouth is what my heart truly believes.  Can I truly release the outcome of my son's life to God?  So far, after all these death calls, I have come from my room with peace.

I don't worry about my son when he is gone, but I continue to pray.  I pray that whatever comes his way only causes him to move closer to God.  I pray that others will see Christ in him and that he has opportunity to bring others to the Lord.  I pray for his family and that they will find peace in between phone calls and emails and joy in hearing from him.  I pray for a safe return if it is God's will and that He be glorified if that return is not to this home but to God's. 

God is good.  I trust Him with my son's life and that whatever the outcome of this journey that I will continue to believe that He is.  Each of these death calls is a test of my faith and an opportunity for a greater commitment to my God.  I would say that it is the same for all of us.

Every "death call" that life brings us is a test to see whether what we say with our mouths is what our hearts actually believe.  Every heartache, trial, every pressure placed on us is an opportunity to come away with the Lord and look in our hearts.  If what we find there needs to grow in faith then He is right there to help us.  He is our ever present help in time of trouble, the comforter and protector of our hearts, the peace that passes all understanding, the rest that we at times so desperately need. 

The phone will ring and my son and I will affirm our believe that God is good and present with us both.  As he travels, God goes with him and is also here with me.  Each day He will be the source of strength and peace and joy for both of us.  He will connect our hearts across the thousands of miles and I will wait in peace knowing that not only is God good but He is completely and utterly trustworthly with all our lives both here on earth and in the life to come.

Prison Break

I have been working on a project for a while - a book.  It is almost finished - every day.  Every day I find something else to do rather than finish it.  I observe myself doing this but hadn't taken the time to stop and figure out why until now.

I seek to indentify the blocks inside me if it ever is to be finished. Sitting at my computer I write, "I want to finish this project by the end of this week so that it can be a big help to those who buy it."  I reread the sentence looking for the word or phrase that just doesn't feel right.  Yes, I do want to finish it, that's not it.  Yes, the end of the week is good, that's not it either.  Then "big help" stood out. 

Lies and fears we believe about ourselves, our abilities and our capacity to impact our world keep us imprisoned.  My prison was fear that what I was writing would not help, not make an impact, or be of any value.  I was afraid that I would be shown to be without talent, unable to make a difference in people's lives and be embarassed in front of my peers.  I was imprisoned by these fears but as long as I didn't finish the book, none of this could come true.

As I took my fears to the Lord, He reminded me of how He has used my writing in the past.  He showed me that as I released my words, He used them as He wanted, in those He wanted, for the purposes He wanted.  He reminded me that all my life He has placed people alongside me to encourage me to write, that have told me that my words had impacted them profoundly and that had flat out said that I write very well and should do more of it.  This is how He has designed me, I don't need to be afraid, I just need to get my perspective about glorifying Him rather than fearing disapproval from others. 

As I processed the fears about the book, or more correctly, the fears about myself, I was able to identify them and replace them with His truth.  Now, I rewrote the statement into one that "felt" true and didn't have any words that caused me to stumble.  Here it is rewritten:

"I will finish this book by the end of the week and put it on the web site. It does not need to be THE definitive work ad I will trust the Lord to do with it what He will.  I will serve Him from who I am."

Now, finishing the book is no longer about my abilities, approval, or need for others to see it as good; it is about serving my God and releasing the outcome to Him.  Oh yeah, and being this vulnerable in front of you brought up a few more fears but the truth is that we all have them and if I admit mine then maybe you will too and we can all break out of these self-imposed prisons.

Marvelous Rain

It has been raining all day.  It has been raining non-stop.  I keep going to the window to marvel.  I live in a desert and it is also a desert that has been in drought for the past seven years.  I didn't realize that a desert could have a drought, thought desert meant it was always without much rain but things can always get worse, I guess.

It has rained a lot this season and the reservoirs are filling again.  It is snowing in the mountains and that means run off in the spring to take us through the blazing summer.  God provides.

That is what makes me marvel.  I was lying in bed this morning listening to the rain and thinking of how God causes the rain to come down on the just and the unjust.  He could make it rain just on those who love Him, just for those who seek His ways but He doesn't.  He provides rain, sun, life, breath and His offer of grace-filled love to everyone whether they know it or not, whether they ask for it or not; whether they curse Him or offer thanks. 

Every drop that falls from the sky He has overseen through its journey from there to here.  As it hits the pool I watch the ring it makes expand and join with the expanding ring next to it, repeating over and over in an ever changing pattern.  His plan for each drop of rain; His plan to bring blessing to us all, diving into the pool as I watch.  And I marvel.

Maybe this is so extraordinary for me because I don't live in Seattle like my daughter who sees far too much rain.  Maybe for her she marvels when the sun breaks through the grey and lights up her world.  Maybe for you it is something else that causes you to recognize God's provision and love.  I don't know but I am so thankful for the blessing that is raining down, both figuratively and wetly today.

A White Christmas

Before going to Seattle to visit my son and daughter and their families, I requested snow.  Kelly assured me that she'd get right on that.  She did a great job because Christmas day it snowed big, thick flakes.  Being an Arizona resident I was more thrilled than she and forced her out to play in the cold and wet white stuff. 

It was soooo good to be with my kids and grandkids.  I have missed them a lot but really didn't realize how much until we were together.  Giggling and hugging, laughing and talking, eating and eating we reconnected in ways that you can not do over the phone.  I long to live near them so that the times in between visits is greatly lessened. 

I long to be with my Father as well.  We talk through prayer and His word but I want to see Him and touch Him too.  Walking in the snow, He touched me.  I thought about how God will bless us with the smallest of things.  I smiled to myself and walked with my Lord. He had heard my request for snow and gave me this gift to remind me of His constant presence and concern for my life.  He is here.  He sends me snow that I can catch on my tongue; He gives me family to love and that love me; He gives me extended family in those that love Him as I do. 

Coming back to Arizona, I feel blessed on so many levels, but the most prevalent, the most real is that God is with us.  We celebrate this on Christmas day, but He shows Himself in the details of our lives everyday.  Watch for Him in yours.

Those that go before us

“The life of man is a continual death, unless it be that Christ lives in him.”—Ignatius

    Ignatius was a disciple of the apostle John and had publicly reproved Emperor Trajan Antioch for worshiping idols. However, Trajan swore to take public revenge on Ignatius in return for his embarrassing rebuke.
    Ignatius was arrested and brought to Rome. As he was led away to the pit of lions, he told another believer, “My dear Jesus, my Savior, is so deeply written in my heart, that I feel confident, that if my heart were to be cut open and chopped into pieces, the name Jesus would be found on every piece.”
    When the multitude of people was assembled to witness his death, Ignatius boldly addressed the cheering crowd. “I am the grain of God. I am ground by the teeth of the beast, that I may be found a pure bread of Christ, who is to me the Bread of Life.”
    As soon as he had spoken these words, two hungry lions devoured him. He lived up to his surname, Theophorus, “the bearer of God.” To the very end, he bore the name of God and his Savior on his lips. He had often said, “The crucified Christ is my only and entire love.” And to the end he found solace in this simple truth: “As the world hates the Christians, so God loves them.”

This is a copy of the daily devotional I receive from Voice of the Martyrs.  I am submitting it here for the Lord to do with it what He will.

I can love my life?

Do you know people that actually live this way?  I don't know many and I think that is a huge problem.  We all have to "do" something with our lives each day, so why is it that so few of us make it what we love and what makes us feel alive?

I think the problem is two fold: 1. We don't really know what we'd love to do.  We haven't taken the time, invested the energy, and felt that it was possible to actually do this.  2.  We, for some weird and wrong reason, feel that we are not supposed to love what we do.  We've got this "I'm not supposed to be happy with my life" belief going on.

Let's start with #2.  We are to suffer for Christ, which means we are to be willing to be ostracised, put down, even endure persecution for His name.  It does not mean that we are to suffer by not living out our design.  God wired us with very specific talents, passions and gifts and it pleases Him when we made full use of them.  When we are, we will be doing what we love and what feels life giving.

Give yourself the gift of living the life God designed for you and meant for you to enjoy.

#1. Life takes up all our time.  The tasks of the day, the needs of others we care for all push caring for and becoming ourselves to the bottom of the list.   So, by placing our own personal growth at the bottom we are actually ensuring that we will never be truly adequate for the tasks of the day and the needs of others.  When you strive to be the best you that you can be, everything in your life will be affected positively by it.

Give yourself the gift of the time to become all God designed for you to be so others will enjoy it to.

I have a great book for you to help you figure this out.  It is a secular, funny, inspiring and really easy to read delight.  It is called The Lazy Way to Success, by Fred Gratzon.  One other resource:  It is the web site I've been working on.  It is designed to help you become and live and do what you love.

You can, you are designed to, and you are able to be and do what you love.

There is no spoon

Even feel like you are in the Matrix?  In the Matrix Neo thinks that his job, his friends, his life are all real, tangible entities.  He finds out later that it was all a dream world.  None of it mattered in the big scheme of things.  What was true was that he was held captive, deceived into pursuing what was not real and kept from really living his life.  Sound familar? 

I'm working on a project about making our Christian life work.  There are a lot of categories under that heading: spiritual, personal, financial, recreational, relationship, career, etc.  Now, if the project were just about those categories, I could write a lot of things about creating a spiffy life for oneself, but in a life centered on Christ, everything changes.  The reality is Christ, pursuit of the things of life here rather than life in Christ is the illusion.  Like Neo we are held captive, deceived into desiring what is not real or eternal. Observe commercials and advertising for the next week.  What we are enticed to covet is not real life but a fantasy construct. 

As I work on my project I am called back to center where truth resides.  The categories of our lives must revolve around Him or they are pointless.  Our careers, finances, personal growth, relationships, everything must be based on Truth Himself or we drift through a life of illusion striving for that which will not last and wondering why life feels unsatisfying.

Pursuing a "spoon" that does not exist will make your life pointless, impotent and worthless and ensure continued captivity to a world system and way of thinking that is not truth.  Neo finds that his whole "life" was just a fantasy but finds truth and freedom and what is real.  He is set free and joins the battle for the freedom of those still held captive.  I don't want to live a dream, so remind me, please that there is no spoon and I will do the same for you and we can tell others about  the reality of Christ and set them free.

Value and a good fight

Okay, I'm back.  It was a long and stressful week and I needed a couple of days to rest.  Mom went from almost dying to her insurance wanting to kick her out of the hospital only three days out of critical care.  She was just taking her first bites of solid food (which she couldn't hold down), she was still in severe pain, she couldn't get up and walk by herself, lives alone and is almost 77.  I was astonished and furious that they wanted to throw her out when she was clearly not able to care for herself.  I was not going to let that happen.

There are things in life that are just wrong and we can't let them go unchallenged.  Now my frail, old mother is not going to change the world anytime soon, but that does not mean that her life is without value.  Our Lord died specifically for her.  She bears the image of God and the value He placed on her is the life of His own Son.  And He placed that value not on her alone.  The unborn and the dying, the poor and the rich, young and old, we all have value in His eyes.  We are all worth fighting for.

Our country has become so apathetic, so inwardly focused, so comfort oriented that we are losing sight of our worth.  Mom and I have had our struggles but as I allowed myself to see her not as mom but as child of God, her value as an eternal woman transcended my temporal issues with her.  As I prayed quietly with her in the ICU, it felt timeless and holy.  Christ was present and His perspective became mine.  It was about Him, not me, not my being displaced from my work or husband, not my lack of sleep, not what I wanted but what He valued.  And, so, I had to fight a battle that I knew He would for a child He loves.

There is the old adage, "all it takes for evil to triumph is for good people to do nothing."  Who fights for you or for whom do you fight?  What is your battle and what struggles do you see?  I fought with a doctor, hospital and insurance company and won.  Mom went to a rehab center and has been there five days.  She is slowly getting better.  She was worth fighting for.  You and I are worth fighting for and so is everyone with whom we lock eyes today.  Do you know how precious you are?  Do you see others as precious as well?  Will you fight for them, can we fight for you?